Insomnia

I wish I could sleep like a cat, or even my husband. I wish a sleep wave would sweep over me about now. I have to get up in 4 hours.
I am a ten year survivor of breast cancer this year. During these years I have seen at least four acquaintances die of breast cancer. My sister has also been treated and is surviving. I know one other lady devotee who is also a survivor.
Why is the death rate so high for devotees? Well, it is probably because most devotees are extremely suspicious of western medicine and try anything else first. That is not the way to beat cancer. But, who knows, they might have died from it in any case. No one but Krsna knows that puzzle.
Why do so many devotees get breast cancer? I wonder if the average is higher among these vegetarians who lead relatively pure lifestyles. I figure it must be the cheap milk produced from hormone enhanced poor mother cows.
We went vegan several years ago, upon being faced with the reality of modern dairy farming practices. These days the only milk products we get are from the temple, and I try to avoid them mostly, especially since the temple will always buy the cheapest possible milk. Occasionally they do use some milk given by a protected cow, but it's only a drop in the bucket. The devotee diet is heavy on milk and fried foods.
I have issues with the temple these days, unfortunately. Mostly there is the demigod worship issue, I suppose. There is also the issue of feeling uncared for by the temple and the devotees. That especially became clear when I was being treated for breastcancer. After the original flurry of good wishes and concern, I felt largely forgotten. I suppose it was just as much my fault, lacking in social skills and ambition as I do, but the feeling carries on even today that the temple doesn't care much for my welfare or concerns. Somehow it seems that Krishna offers protection though. We always seem to get by.
One of my other issues is how sad I am that nobody seems to like any of the outfits that I made for the Deities. It makes me cry when I hear people talk about how much they don't like them. It makes me question whether I have spent all of those hours and energy in vain, but I know that Krishna is more generous than those ladies, and he understands my heart.
One piece of advice is that night outfits and accesories meet much less criticism, though it is still there. Over the years I have tried to only criticize my own work, thinking it improper to find fault with Krishna's paraphernalia.
I'm thinking about writing a book called Techniques for Deity Sewing.
I thought of the name for my future restaurant, Live Long and Prosper. It will have a Vulcan theme and be vegan. I must check with Paramount about the name.
Time to try to sleep again.